Saturday, June 5, 2010

Top 5 Reasons Gays Aren't in a Relationship

Top 5 Reasons Gays Aren't in a Relationship.

I’m going to break this down.

1). Lack of trust

The majority of gays always say “ I don’t believe in love”. There is a huge lack of gay relationships. Plenty of sex, yes, but not near as many relationships as there should be. Why? Because everyone uses the excuse that “everyone is the same”. They give up too easily because they have only lived the gay life in the fast lane. “ Once burned , twice shy” is something gays have run with for a long time. It’s a cop out. Anyone can find someone. I refuse to believe that only my man and I and a few others are worthy of having a committed relationship. It’s not so.

2). Lack of commitment

Gay’s give up too fast on relationships. Most of us don’t even know a relationship from a internet hookup. FYI: a man or woman you just met online isn’t “yours”. Someone with whom you’ve spoken for a few days or weeks isn’t a relationship. It could be the start of one,but a relationship takes knowing someone, and yes, sometimes going through the bad times as well as the good. We give up too fast. Most of us make mistakes...we just don't want to give others the chance  that we want to make up for it. In the “I’m young and sexy” lifestyle of gays ,this is a problem. Most don’t want to deal with anything deeper than a gym membership.

3). Lack of being out

You can’t have a stable relationship and be yourself if you’re busy being who everyone else wants you to be. Your parents, your church, society cannot have the main say in how you are going to live your life. Like a plant or any living thing, you can’t expect love to live in the dark , only at a club. Bring it out to the light. If you are both in the closet, it might work, but it won’t work 100%. Sorry, but that’s the way it is. Being out and proud takes a lot. Being unhappy for decades takes a lot more.

4). Lack of detachment from material belongings

Too many gays think about what they will get out of a relationship. A relationship is a lot of give and take, but its not about material give and take. No one wants someone for whom they will have to do it all. Prada, Gucci, Shoes and handbags are cool, but its not going to get you far with love. The old saying “Money can’t buy me love” is more on point than most know. It’ll buy you some sex or some time, nothing else.

5). Lack of breaking the stereotype of what “being gay” is.

Now for the last part. I’ve known a lot of guys online and off, mostly platonic, and that’s why most haven’t’ gone out with me and my man. Most think the gay life is all about “girl” “Ms Thang” “Voguing” or what they see on “Glee”. It isn’t. While I know and understand many who are fem, it seems to be most have been cut with the same scissors. Be who you are without trying to be Ru Paul or anyone else. The same thing goes for the “thug” wannabe’s who think they “are the man” only because they aren’t fem. Stereotypes go both ways. Most of the time people don’t take the time to talk and figure out whom they are dealing with , so two bottoms wind up bumping purses. Or they wind up as two tops trying to “Get the upper hand”. Not cute. If you are who you that person and don’t try to force it or change for anyone. You can’t, and it won’t bring you happiness in the end.

So there you have it. Just a few reasons why gays are alone most of the time. I know those who are activists, editors, and businessmen and women, all alone. Why is there such a disparity? I get a lot of envy because I’ve been with my man for 14 years. I’m not stuck on myself. We have worked hard for our relationship. There is no reason the gay community has to always revolve around sex. There has to be something more if what you want is a stable, committed, loving relationship. You’re free to disagree...but be prepared for my rebuttal.


  1. Awesome post! You hit the nail on the head papa! Truth hurts but peeps need to hear it in order to be free. Let's deal with the real shit first so that we can heal as a community. A lack of LOVE is the bottom line! We need to learn how to love each other instead of just lapping up!

  2. Excellent post! Relationships *are* worth working for. As my husband and myself prepare to celebrate our 11th year together, a lot of our friends are asking, "How do you do it?" My only answer can be, "Love is worth working for, and it isn't work if you love them."

    Again, excellent post!

  3. I couldn't agree with you more! Anyone in a LTR knows that real happiness has to be fought for and kept alive. We often don't give it that "fighting chance".

  4. 17 years for us, and you are talking truth. But it takes the commitment of *both* partners. I was fortunate in that my partner had been in an LTR before, and was only single as a result of his partner passing. He already understood the give-and-take and had already demonstrated he had the commitment. I have no doubt that if his prior partner had lived, they'd be together this day.

  5. I think this is very age and location based, in my experience, most gays my age range (18-25) in the uk don't fit at all into points 1, 2, 4 or to a lesser extent 5, given a small amount of exposure to other gays.

    3 is a difficult one, but more and more people are coming out nowadays with little fear of social/familial repercussions.

    I'd say a bigger problem amongst my experience of gays here and around my age is a select number of really insecure guys who are "in love" with a different guy every month and can't differentiate between infatuation and deep feelings, but that's not exactly a homosexual exclusive one.

    Most of my homosexual peer group are happy shagging about a bit, and going into a committed relationship if the right guy comes along, no throwing yourself at any possible relationship, but no aversion either. Actually a lot more stable than a fair few of the straight people I know...


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